For many centuries relationships between a man and a woman have been a topic of great concern. There are always a lot of disputes, discussions and theories around it. Various teachings try to explain the “sacred conflict” of a man and a woman from their side. Today we’ll talk about jealousy. This is the side of interpersonal relations, the appearance of which becomes a serious obstacle on the way to a happy family life.

What is the cause of jealousy? Can we learn to control it? What does yoga tell us about this? 

A view at a man and a woman through the prism of yoga

Yoga is a kind and logical system of self-exploration . There are as many types of yoga as there are manifestations of a person, which means that the relationship between the sexes can be considered from the position of yoga.

It is necessary to begin the analysis of this issue with the axiomatics of yoga, which refers to the moment of the origin of the Universe. The principle of separation into masculine and feminine existed before the appearance of the world in the form we are accustomed to; the basis of the further division by gender was laid at the initial stages of the Universe creation.

Yoga tells us that initially there was the single Absolute, the original cause of life, which was in an unmanifested state. Then the whole Absolute wished to manifest itself in all the richness of the material Universe. For this, he appeared as the principle of eternal immutability, or Consciousness, and as the principle of eternal modification – Energy. This is how the “eternal pair of lovers” arose, two constituent parts, two opposite poles of the original manifestation. All objects and phenomena in our Universe emerged from the further interaction of Consciousness and Energy. In other words, the difference in the perception of the world by a man and a woman is provided by nature, these are two opposite approaches in cognition of the single reality.

What is jealousy? How does it arise from the position of yoga?

Jealousy is a very strong and insidious feeling that can be a source of trouble for a jealous person themselves and their environment. Jealousy is interpreted as a feeling of possessiveness, when a person associates with his or her significant other so much that he or she begins to consider them an impersonal part of themselves. Such people turn their life and the life of the object of their jealousy into a real nightmare, because the reason for jealousy can be either explicit or implicit.

Jealousy is rooted in the prime cause of all our suffering – ignorance, when we consider ourselves not who we really are. Losing our true essence, we get used to considering ourselves as our physical body, feelings, thoughts, emotions, a set of habits and ideas about ourselves. And then we begin to spread this ideology to others, imposing certain qualities, motives and intentions to them. Ultimately, this leads to real suffering.

Jealousy appears when self-misunderstanding collides with the concept of other living beings’ freedom: suffering arises from the thought that “for my significant other, someone may be more attractive than me, and I cannot prevent it”.

Because of this impuissance, we begin to consider ourselves worse, unworthy, more defective. The powerful flow of negative sensations from the fact that the object of our feelings will leave us is born from an unobvious sensation of our own inferiority and irresponsibility. A jealous person always seeks to shift the blame for the object of their jealousy. Changing themselves is outside their plans.

From the point of view of yoga, all this is a strong delusion, because each of us has the Higher Self, which is a facet of the one omnipotent Absolute and has all the abilities, qualities and knowledge inherent in it. Our task is to reveal these abilities in ourselves through practice and self-development.

Procreation protection mechanism and jealousy

According to the yoga doctrine, before we were born in a human body, we lived many lives in the bodies of animals. In order for life to continue, each of us has a mechanism that contributes to the survival of the species. This is a procreation protection mechanism (PPM). It is rooted in our deepest structures, influencing our behavior in such a way that offsprings can be born. In the bodies of people, the procreation protection mechanism works more complexly than just the instinct of self-preservation, and manifests itself, among other things, as a feeling of jealousy. The more developed the mind is, the more refined and cruel forms the manifestation of the human PPM takes.

How to learn to understand jealousy? 

If a feeling of jealousy rises in a person, that means he does not understand and underestimates himself. He is far from realizing his Higher Self, which he really is. Jealousy enhances his illusion, thereby increasing suffering. We need to start working with jealousy when we are in a calm, balanced state, because when this feeling has already taken hold, it is extremely difficult to do something with it. When we feel a fit of jealousy, it is useless to fight with it using our mind – it simply does not work.

How to deal with jealousy

  • We reveal our “Self”. Instead of getting angry and hating your opponent, it is better to focus on your qualities. In practice, this can be done with the help of meditation on your Higher Self. It is advisable to do this regularly and continuously. With this thought we saturate our internal structures – the very ones that take control when the mind turns off.
  • We meditate on wishing happiness to all living beings. This is one of the main meditations in the Open Yoga School. In it, we concentrate on the center of our chest, where we imagine the “Lotus of the Heart”, and first we wish happiness to all those whom we love; then to those whom we do not know and who do not know us; and for the third time we wish happiness to all our enemies.

The heart chakra – Anahata – is responsible for love. The axiomatics of yoga tells us that the only thing that connects our Higher Self and the Absolute is the feeling of being in love. When we work with the heart center, we make more balanced, harmonious decisions, because the mind and feelings are balanced in it. That is why we wish for happiness “from the bottom of our hearts.” By opening the heart center, we can learn to feel people and thereby give up egoism. Practicing this meditation will help us understand that everyone deserves to be happy and soften the feeling of jealousy in time, preventing it from taking over us.

  • We are looking for our dharma (life path, work of life). A person who does what he loves emits happiness and joy. Walking along the path of his dharma, he approaches the realization of his Higher Self, revealing all the good qualities that are inherent in it, and becomes confident and self-sufficient. And if two such people meet, their life together becomes harmonious and happy. The one who has found his mission gives bhava to others and lives in resonance with the people around.
  • Remember that everyone is free. If, nevertheless, we understand that our soulmate really has feelings for another person, we need to admit this to ourselves and let go. Each of us is a free and independent Higher “I”, which cannot be enslaved, forced, “tied” to oneself. “You can’t be cute by force.” And if karma really unfolds in such a way that we have to break up, sooner or later it will happen. When we come closer to realizing our essence, the desire for happiness for our partner, even with another person, will become a natural state for us.
  • We honestly work on ourselves and on relationships. We must change ourselves not only through mental exercises, but also through certain actions. If we value our relationships and do not want to lose them, we need to work on ourselves constantly. Regular yoga practice, analysis of our actions according to the Yoga Principles will help us.
  • Honesty and openness to yourself and your significant other. We discuss those moments that we do not like or which cause discomfort. At the same time, we do not blame the partner for frank conversations and any thoughts, even negative ones. A person can experience a variety of feelings, and it is impossible to understand them without words. Therefore, honesty and openness will become a solid foundation of trusting relationships.
  • We practice the Yoga of the Triad. Relationships between a man and a woman are practiced by such types of yoga as: Tantra yoga, yoga of Union and yoga of Falling in love. You can learn more about these sections of yoga on the website: Yoga of the Triad is a very deep teaching, it contains answers to many questions related to this topic.

How to achieve harmony in a relationship?

Yoga is a balance between extremes, it is the harmony of life in all its manifestations. Happiness in a relationship depends on both partners. Family is a great opportunity to help each other to get rid of their inappropriate manifestations and reveal the best qualities inherent in us by nature itself. And it is necessary to approach the solution of these issues mutually. It is impossible to achieve happiness only through the efforts of one of the partners.

We must not forget about the most beautiful instrument – Will. Will is beyond time and space, which means that everything obeys it. And if your significant other makes you happy, then concentrate all your Will on becoming a worthy person for them, in order to become better than you were yesterday, while not violating the First and Second principles of Yoga, and then the Universe will smile at you and give everything that you deserve, and more!

We can learn to show our feelings when it’s appropriate and not show them when it’s inappropriate. To achieve this, we need to get closer to realizing our Higher Self through the various implements of yoga practices and methods. And the closer we are to our “Higher Self”, the more we believe in our strength and power, the happier we become, thereby depriving the soil of such a destructive feeling as jealousy. We are the masters of our lives, and our happiness is in our hands!

Love and be happy!

Article author: Evgenia Agni

The author of the drawings: Svetlana Mauna

Editor: Maria Gayatri, Alla Ravi, Olga Belous, Evgeniya Agni, Anna Vita, Eva May

Editor-in-chief: Marina Mirra

Project curator: Kerigona

Translated by: Ekaterina Daya, Elena Lakshmi, Tatiana Atishaya